Talking the talk is a huge part of a healthy sex life. Chatting about everything from likes and dislikes to fantasies and exciting future. Flirting. Complimenting. Doing all those little things that help your partner feel loved and desired. Like dirty talking. Dirty talk is about telling your partner that you want them, that you need them, that you enjoy what they’re doing, that, yep, this is what you want. Deployed well, dirty talk is freeing. It’s validating. It’s fun and sexy and empowering. And, when dirty talk is done right, it can help you have better, more meaningful sex.
“When you feel sexy and empowered and are being creative in your words and imagination, you are more likely to feel comfortable trying new things, asking for what you want, and feeling comfortable with your sexuality, If you want to brush up on your dirty talk game, it helps to have some go-to dirty talk phrases in mind. Here are some beginner dirty talk suggestions from sexuality experts that you can try or tweak to suit your needs.
- “Tell me what you want me to do.”
“Giving your partner carte blanche and handing over the sense of power can open up new and exciting dimensions of pleasure in the bedroom,” says Daniel Sher, a clinical psychologist and sex therapy expert at Between Us. Dirty talk phrases like this, he notes, are great ways to begin role-playing or exploring the concept of control. “Someone who is high-powered in their day-to-day lives, for example, might get excited when their partner uses dirty talk to assert dominance or vice versa,” he says. Just be sure to be safe, be respectful, and listen carefully.
- “I’ve thought about this all day.”
Don’t just use this dirty talk phrase when you’re eying your cheat day pizza. Saying this in the bedroom, per Dr. Needle, achieves a seemingly simple task: letting the person you are with know they have been on your mind and, more specifically, you’ve been looking forward to having sex with them all day. Who doesn’t want to hear that?
- “I want to make you cum.”
As President Harry Truman once said, “Selfishness and greed cause most of our troubles.” He may not have been talking about the bedroom, but the same rule applies. Dr. Needle agrees that being selfless in the bedroom — and being vocal about your intent to bring your partner to orgasm — is almost a guaranteed turn on.
“It’s hot to know someone is thinking about your pleasure,” she says. “While there can also be some pressure attached to this statement, it is exciting to have someone focused on wanting to make you feel good. Hopefully, this sentiment will lead to comfort in trying new things and being more open sexually.”
- “Right there, that feels so good!”
First, there were the stars. Then there was MapQuest. Now there’s Google Maps. Are you seeing a pattern? With dirty talk phrases, directions are the best way to get us where we need to go. And the more specific, the better.
“This type of dirty talk phrase communicates exactly what you are enjoying, which is important for both you and your partner,” suggests Dr. Needle. “Everyone has different preferences, turn-ons, and turn-offs, and we must remember that our partners aren’t mind readers. Communicating exactly what we want leads to increased arousal and sexual satisfaction.”
- “How does this feel?”
Questions are incredibly powerful tools between the sheets. “This phrase is short and sweet, but vital,” says Sher. “Four words are sufficient to communicate to your partner that you care about their experience in the bedroom.”
Think of this phrase as sexual customer service, and work for those Yelp stars. “Dirty talk affects the brain differently than normal language, and this type of phrase can let your partner know that you’re interested in satisfying his or her needs, which is vital for deepening intimacy and improving your sex life. Listen, and allow yourself to be guided by their response.”
Pardon our French, but there really are fewer dirty talk phrases hotter than this one during sex. “Say it. Yell it. Swear it,” says Sher. “Let your partner know the intensity of your pleasure with this wonderful little word. Conveying your pleasure in this way can turn your partner on, and the expression of this word can help break any emotional tension that might exist, making for a more intimate experience.
More Dirty Talk Phrases
If you’re looking to expand your dialogue in the bedroom, here are some more dirty talk examples that mirror the above suggestions.
“I want you to kiss every inch of my body.”
“Tease me until I am begging for it.”
“Do you know how much I want you?”
“I love it when you touch me like that.”
“Your tongue feels so good.”
“I can’t wait to feel you inside me.”
“Do you know how much I want you?”
“I am crazy for you.”
“I need to be inside of you.”
“I want to make you scream.”
“Lay back. I want to show you X.”
“I’m so hard for you right now.”
“You smell amazing”
“I can’t wait to tear off your clothes.”
“I can’t stop thinking about the other night.”